On moving forward

I'm not exactly sure how you move on from a loss.  I'm still working through that one.  Some days, I want to just feel normal...like I did before my dad got sick.  Then, there are times in that day that the thought of feeling normal without him here makes me feel sick and guilty...because it feels like life shouldn't be moving on without my dad.  He was a huge part of my normal.  He would never want me to feel this way, but I'm human and grieving and I can't help it.  He's having a great time up in heaven...hanging with God, his sister, his grandparents, and his in-laws in no more pain thankfully...but he left such a hole here and that is something that will remain empty for the rest of my life.

I used to think it was a little weird when people would mention their parents as their best friends.  I guess I thought that parents were more and different than the term "best friend" implied...and they are.  But my dad really was my first best friend on top of being a dad.  Since I was a kid, we got along more like friends than father/daughter, I just did not really recognize this until I got older.  That is not to say that he wasn't always a father first; he was nurturing, a teacher, a spiritual leader and a disciplinarian when he needed to be, but when my behavior caused a disagreement between us, we would rationally talk it out over him scolding me if possible, even when I was young.  He was the first person I wanted to tell things to for most of my life until John came along...then he was one of the first.  We talked every day I was away at college...and his office was my first stop when I pulled into town.  

My dad and I have always been comrades.  

We view the world similarly.  

We approach life with the same attitude.  

We have the same sense of humor.  

We just think along the same lines.  

And we have the same feet.  

They called me "Little Jeff". And minus the feet thing, I guess the rest of that does classify him as a best friend.  

And as I have gotten older, I know I really became a best friend to him as well.  

One of the things I already miss most is sitting down with him and just talking about life.  If he were here right now, he would understand all that I'm feeling, but he'd want me to keep pushing through and living life.  He loved life.  And I do too.  Loving life is a little more difficult right now, but I still have a great one to live.

the end of the world as I know it

On February 18, my dad passed away.  The short fight he had with lung cancer was a tough one.  December 1, 2011-February 18, 2012... ridiculously short if you think about how fast 2-1/2 months normally goes by.  Losing my dad is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and I'm only 12 days in.

I mean, I'm 27 and I don't have my dad anymore.

Who could ever plan for that?

I'm so thankful for the time I did have him.  He was an amazing man, father and a huge part of my world.  He was a great friend and co-worker.  We spent an incredible amount of time together and I miss him like crazy.

This is a picture my aunt gave me last week.  It captures my dad and I perfectly.

I feel cheated.  I feel that he was taken too soon.  Obviously, God had a plan, but I just don't understand it...and I desperately want to know what it is.

My first love

From day one, you were my guy.  We've always had this special bond that was only between you and I.  We were friends long before I was of the age that it was "cool" to be friends with your parents.  You taught me to be strong and independent.  You taught me how to work hard for what I want.  You even taught me how to put my foot in my mouth, more than once...after all, I do take after you!
By the way you love my mother, you showed me what to look for in a man.  You helped mold me into the woman I am today.  Most of the good things in my life, I can thank you for because I would not be the person I am without you.  No boy or man ever held a candle to you until John came along.  That's when I knew he was the guy for me...and thankfully you agreed.

Happy Valentine's Day.  Be sure to share this day with all those you love.

I know I do not have the time, nor the energy right now to even think about actually training for a marathon, but I look at this schedule and think "I could totally do this...".  I can in fact do this, as I have proven to myself before.  But seriously, look at it:

Marathon Training Schedule: Novice 1

WEEK	MON	TUE	WED	THU	FRI	SAT	SUN
1	Rest	3 m run	3 m run	3 m run	Rest	6	Cross
2	Rest	3 m run	3 m run	3 m run	Rest	7	Cross
3	Rest	3 m run	4 m run	3 m run	Rest	5	Cross
4	Rest	3 m run	4 m run	3 m run	Rest	9	Cross
5	Rest	3 m run	5 m run	3 m run	Rest	10	Cross
6	Rest	3 m run	5 m run	3 m run	Rest	7	Cross
7	Rest	3 m run	6 m run	3 m run	Rest	12	Cross
8	Rest	3 m run	6 m run	3 m run	Rest	Rest	Half Marathon
9	Rest	3 m run	7 m run	4 m run	Rest	10	Cross
10	Rest	3 m run	7 m run	4 m run	Rest	15	Cross
11	Rest	4 m run	8 m run	4 m run	Rest	16	Cross
12	Rest	4 m run	8 m run	5 m run	Rest	12	Cross
13	Rest	4 m run	9 m run	5 m run	Rest	18	Cross
14	Rest	5 m run	9 m run	5 m run	Rest	14	Cross
15	Rest	5 m run	10 m run	5 m run	Rest	20	Cross
16	Rest	5 m run	8 m run	4 m run	Rest	12	Cross
17	Rest	4 m run	6 m run	3 m run	Rest	8	Cross
18	Rest	3 m run	4 m run	2 m run	Rest	Rest	Marathon

source

It looks so nice all wrapped up in a neat little training plan.  Having lots of runner friends that are training for marathons right now gives me the itch and I start looking for a race.  But, I'll be sticking to half marathons for now...

Super 8

This weekend, we watched Super 8.  We've had it from Netflix for a while and finally got around to watching it.  It was different, but I liked it.  It reminded me of E.T. in a way.

During the summer of 1979, a group of friends witness a train crash and investigate subsequent unexplained events in their small town.

source

 

The movie reminded me a little of what it was like when I was a kid during the summer.  We went outside and played with our friends.  We rode our bikes everywhere.  We used our imaginations for our entertainment and none of us cared to be inside if we could be playing outside with friends.  The movie kind of took me back, minus the whole train-wreck and other of the the ordinary things that actually happened to these kids.

Have you seen Super 8?  If so, what did you think??

Any great movies you've seen lately that I should check out?

Happy Thoughts

I ran on my lunch today.  5 miles in 46:08.  It made me feel happy.  So, I thought I'd share a few things in life lately that have been making me happy!

one.
One of my good friends from high school is having babies.  Yep, babies.  She's pregnant with twin girls!  She had a baby shower this weekend and John and I went to it (it was a Baby-Q...cute!)  It was great to see her and her pregnant self.

two.
Friends.
I have some pretty awesome ones.

Three.

You've heard about my hubby before.

He's the best!  

Four.
The snowboarding trip we have coming up!

five.

Running.

six.

Good news about my dad!

The tumor is shrinking and he's home!

seven.

eight.

Bike rides.

nine.

TheBachelorIsOnTonight!  

There.  I said it.

What makes you happy?

6 on Tuesday

1. This week is the week I told myself I had to be up to my weekly mileage for my 2012 goals.  So far, I'm off with great success and it is only Tuesday!  I'll report back and let you know how it goes!

2. I almost got hit by a car last night and in a separate incident (on the same bike ride), my phone fell off my bike and my screen cracked.  Bike riding can be dangerous with mean hoes on the road that give you ugly faces when they almost hit you. (PS-I had the right of way woman!  You turned into me!)

3. John had work off yesterday and I didn't.  I was jealous all day.  He did come see me and we went to lunch though...so I guess that was a good substitute!

4. After this weekend, it has been reinforced that I can't hang like I used to...

5. We started looking at cruises and I realized that I haven't changed my name on my passport.  I am getting on this pronto!  

Please don't hold me back passport peeps!

6. All I've wanted to do for the past couple days is nap.  Then, bedtime comes and I don't want to sleep, I want to stay up and do fun things so I don't have to go to bed just to get up and go to work and other adult responsibilities tomorrow.  What's wrong with this picture?

me.